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Housewarming Gift <2020-12-13>
Overview · Name of Run: Housewarming Gift · Run Link:https://www.reddit.com/NeonAnarchy/comments/kapd4j/housewarming_gift_20201213_2359_utc_aka_700/ · Date: 2020-12-13 · Time: 23:59 UTC · Duration: 4.5 hours · Threat: Medium · Scheduling: Scheduled, picked 24 hours in advance · GM:u/MyxieTryxle MyxieTryxle#7733 · Runners:Floxxenbox, Mirai, Professor, Shadow, XX · Johnson: Lillian O’Hara · Relevant NPCs: Janet Pendergast, Crowbar, Guillermo, Bootstrap, Lucky Eddy · Location: Bellevue · Opposition: R4 host, members of an ork thrash metal band, one painfully outclassed housewife · Casualties: Janet Pendergast’s self esteem and reputation within the Diamond Cove community · Collateral: Some lighting and sound gear, Guillermo’s cyberdeck · Synopsis: Angry housewife hires runner team to embarrass her rival for pushing her out of the party planning committee. Hilarity ensues. · Run Rewards: 24,000 nuyen or 4,000 nuyen plus 30,000 critter credit (Shadow gained 2500 extra, three of the others lost 1000 gambling), 3 karma, 2 knowledge karma, Contact Lillian O’Hara (3/1 Gear [Critters], Already Trained) (2 extra points for going slightly over on time and seriously impressing the Johnson) “Welcome to the Gates Casino in Bellevue! We noticed you’re carrying a properly registered cyberdeck in compliance with all local regulations. We would like to remind you that when it comes to security at the Gates Casino, the house always wins. Thank you for your consideration, and please enjoy your stay.” Action Report: The team headed to the Gates Casino for a private game under the party Siberian Tiger. They spoke to Ms. J, who offered them 4k up front, and 4k for each embarrassing event they could do to sabotage a holiday seasonal party by a group of orks that had moved into her neighborhood. The team accepted and got the full details, then stuck around the casino doing a little gambling while the matrix folks did some searches. Shadow ended up taking 2500 starting nuyen in gambling from the other runners, who lost their money to their teammate and the house. Floxxenbox and Mirai picked up a wealth of information on the house where the party was taking place and the members of the band. They produce thrash metal music emphasizing messages of weathering oppression, standing up to authority, and speaking out for the downtrodden. Lead Singer Crowbar (Alice Cross, oni subtype, mage), electric guitar Guillermo (Guillermo Rojo, heavy cyberware, decker, camera drones), bass and backup vocals Bootstrap (Danny Smith, personal cyberware), drums Lucky Eddy (Eddy Holland, social/physical adept). Members of the team started to express concern about messing with these orks, but a job is a job. They drove down to Diamond Cove to scope out the mansion. Professor talked them past a very confused and accidentally racist KE gate guard. XX did an overhead flight while the matrix team dived the host and Shadow assensed the building and its inhabitants. They stole a few files from the host and the bands’ commlinks, adding themselves to the VIP registry for the event and digging up info on the catering services, fireworks, and most importantly a conversation among the band about the insufferable shrew that is Janet Pendergast. Janet was the one calling the shots for the Diamond Cove community in regards to holiday parties and social events. Piecing the parts together, they realized Ms. J (real name Lillian O’Hara) was actually out for revenge on Janet for stealing her seat as head of the party planning committee for Diamond Cove. The orks had got themselves in the middle of a Real Housewives of King County situation. They formulated their plan and waited for the party in two days, hopeful that they could go through with the job without messing the band up so much. At the party, XX flew above as a bird. Mirai conked out in the back of Professor’s car. Professor, Shadow, and Floxxenbox joined the festivities. They found Janet in the back yard near the grill, trying to convince her high-class friends and neighbors that this party was a good and fun idea. First order of business, Operation Dirty Bird. Mirai hacked into the host and grabbed a feed from the camera nearest Janet. Mirai marked the target with an ARO of a toilet bowl, and XX dive bombed the unsuspecting woman. She ran to the nearest bathroom while Bootstrap pointed and laughed, drawing the attention of the crowd and enhancing the poor woman's embarrassment. When Janet emerged fifteen minutes later with soaked hair, Floxxenbox messed with the sound check on the stage where the band was about to perform. Janet ran over to the technician, screaming at him to turn it down to a reasonable level. Shadow debuffed Janet with confusion, causing her to fail a composure roll and go full Karen 9000 on the technician and his sound controls. Flox flipped the house music to a special mix of the smooth jazz elf band Dear Molly. The message “Janet’s Favorites <3 Dear Molly” popped onto the backdrop display of the stage, and the entire party stopped for two seconds. After two seconds of silence, pure outrage poured out of the mansion. Boos and jeers issued forth while Ms. J moved to the back of the house to see the product of her purchase. Janet fled toward the front of the house, deeply distressed at everything that was happening and lacking the mental faculties to deal with the situation. Professor followed Janet to the front of the house, plying her with drinks and encouraging words that she couldn’t leave now if she wanted to save face and show everyone how brave and capable she was. Thanks to the alcohol (and an ongoing confusion effect), it didn’t take much for him to bring her back into the fold just as the concert started. Flox crowdsurfed the concert, taking a hefty jostling and several boxes of stun for her efforts, but it was totally worth it cause Mirai caught the whole thing on video. When the set ended, Lucky Eddy did his customary drum solo to close out the night, then jumped up to the front of the stage and screamed “Show’s over. Who wants to fight Lucky Eddy?” Poor Janet, addled by booze and magic and bolstered by Professor’s pep talk, walked up onto stage without realizing her peril. Lucky Eddy cracked his knuckles, said “Oh, I’ve been waiting for this chance,” and picked Janet bodily up off the stage. Shadow dropped the confusion spell, and Janet came to her senses just long enough to understand what was happening to her as Lucky Eddy carried her down the docks and threw her into the lake. Mirai and Shadow kicked into the final phase of the operation: Haunted House. Shadow summoned an air spirit to cast fear spells on a drunk trophy wife. She fell into the pool in her panic, leading to a scene. Mirai hacked the trideo, audio, and lights, creating spooky effects and yelling “Everyone run!” The party fell apart as XX added kiai to the mix, with high class socialites running for their cars and diehard fans of the band leaving, declaring it the best concert yet. Mirai landed a nasty hit on Guillermo’s deck. Since he couldn’t find her, and there was weird technomancer shenanigans happening, he cut power to the entire house. The party dispersed with guests in various degrees of panic, and Ms. J was very pleased. Given that the team figured out her real vendetta was with Janet and took great pains to specifically embarrass the rival, she offered to extend their credit for the run if they wanted something from her store, Lillian’s Loyal Companions, and offered her services as a contact.
What A Day: Curious, Georgia by Sarah Lazarus & Crooked Media (04/23/20)
"Why don’t we just put everybody in a space outfit or something like that?" - Stephen Moore, economic advisor to the president and grown man
Mitch Better Have My Money
More than 4.4 million Americans filed new jobless claims in the last week, bringing the reported unemployment total over the past five weeks to 26 million. Faced with those numbers, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has decided it’s time to pump the brakes on any additional economic relief, and possibly force blue states and cities into bankruptcy, reminding us all why he's the most popular politician in America.
Members of the House returned to the Capitol to approve the $484 billion stimulus bill passed by the Senate earlier this week, modeling varying degrees of personal responsibility on the floor. The funding in that package is expected to be depleted within days: Banks have been swamped with small-business loan applications, and the bulk of the $310 billion being added to the program is already spoken for.
The House also voted to establish a select committee, led by House Majority Whip Jim Clyburn, to oversee the administration’s coronavirus spending. The text of the resolution actually gives the panel more far-reaching power than House Speaker Nancy Pelosi initially indicated—it has the authority to investigate Trump’s larger response and U.S. pandemic preparedness, including internal administration deliberations. Pelosi said today that it won’t actually...do that, at least not in the near future.
As Congress shifts its focus to the next major piece of coronavirus legislation, McConnell has suggested that perhaps instead of lawmakers allocating more funds for state and local governments on the brink of economic disaster, those governments should just go fuck themselves? McConnell, who has bizarrely characterized that federal help as “Blue State Bailouts,” said he’d rather invent a way for states to declare bankruptcy than approve more relief, a proposal that Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D-NY) today called “one of the really dumb ideas of all time.” More tellingly, McConnell is also at odds with President Trump and Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, who have both signaled that they’re on board with Democrats’ call to include that funding in the next bill.
In New York, preliminary results from antibody studies indicate that the state’s 250,000 confirmed cases of coronavirus may be just the tip of the iceberg.
Nearly 3,000 people across the state were randomly tested in supermarkets, and about 14 percent of them tested positive for COVID-19 antibodies. In New York City the rate was higher: 21 percent of roughly 1,300 people tested positive. The lag in testing left New York in the dark: A new model from researchers at Northeastern University suggests that there were thousands of infections in NYC, and four other major U.S. cities, long before testing revealed there was a problem.
Further south, Gov. Brian Kemp (R-GA) is forging ahead with his plan to reopen some nonessential businesses tomorrow, even after Trump abruptly threw him under the bus on Wednesday, saying he “strongly disagreed” with Kemp’s decision, a day after publicly praising him. (The coronavirus task force reportedly convinced Trump to reverse course.) Many business owners and workers in the state do not feel comfortable returning to work, but if they refuse, they risk losing their unemployment aid.
Even with unemployment numbers rising by the millions every week, an overwhelming majority of Americans understand that reopening the economy prematurely isn’t the solution. A Politico/Morning Consult poll from last weekend found that 76 percent of respondents felt social distancing measures should continue for as long as necessary. Kemp and reckless Republican leaders like him are ignoring public opinion in addition to national guidelines, and endangering public health.
Look No Further Than The Crooked Media
So far, 3,660 of you have used the call tool on https://votesaveamerica.com/call to get connected to your representatives in Congress and tell them that they need to include funding to make elections safe and accessible as part of their next coronavirus package. Keep them coming! Now we want to hear from you: why do YOU need safer voting options this year? Whether you have a preexisting condition that puts you at risk, or don’t feel safe volunteering at the polls, we want to hear your story. Send in a video to us at 323-405-9944 so we can share your story and send a message to Congress and the state governments about how important this is →
Under The Radar
Florida has distinguished itself as a nightmarish place to be unemployed. The state is one of the slowest in the country to process its jobless claims, which means hundreds of thousands of unemployed Florida workers have been waiting weeks to receive their first checks, and many haven’t even been able to file their claims. The state agreed to start accepting paper applications this month, after its unemployment website broke down under the volume of traffic. Florida’s GOP leaders have intentionally weakened its unemployment system over the last decade, leaving its workers particularly vulnerable in this crisis: The state’s unemployment benefits max out at $275 a week. Nearly all of the major battleground states in the 2020 election are experiencing higher-than-average layoffs. In addition to prying more relief funding out of Mitch McConnell’s cold bloodless hands, it will be on all of us to make sure those voters realize that this level of economic fallout, and the broken systems exacerbating it, were preventable.
In a New York Times op-ed this week, Dr. Richard Levitan described volunteering at New York’s Bellevue Hospital for 10 days. Levitan shared a new insight into what makes COVID pneumonia uniquely dangerous: Unlike most pneumonia patients with very low oxygen saturation (hypoxia), many COVID-19 patients don’t feel short of breath until they’re close to respiratory failure. That seems to be a result of the peculiar way the coronavirus attacks the lungs, and when patients breathe faster and harder to compensate for their “silent hypoxia” without realizing it, their lungs sustain further damage. That may explain why so many patients on ventilators ultimately die: They didn’t get to the hospital until their pneumonia was well advanced. Levitan recommended more widespread use of pulse oximeters to detect hypoxia early. Since the op-ed was published, pulse oximeters have become impossible to find, which Levitan says is no cause for panic. (Hospitals don't use the same devices, so this isn't an N95 mask situation.) Think of it like a thermometer—something you should probably have in your home eventually.
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Is That Hope I Feel?
Publix has launched an initiative to purchase milk and fresh produce from struggling farmers, and donate it directly to Feeding America food banks. Braskem America workers voluntarily lived at the factory for 28 days, producing tens of millions of pounds of the raw materials needed for PPE. Ruth's Chris Steak House, Sweetgreen, and King Sushi announced they’ll return the small-business loans they received from the Payroll Protection Program. Yelling at companies on the internet works! A federal appeals court ruled that Detroit students (and by extension, all children in the U.S.) have a fundamental right to a basic education. Virginia has become the latest state to end prison gerrymandering, the practice of counting incarcerated people where they’re detained, rather than at their last known residence.
I have been living in the Seattle area since 1979. Having said that, your first rule of thumb when living in Seattle is to lie about how long you have lived here. There you are - you're established. Now you need some obscure lingo to drive the point home that you are a native. Here's some buzz words and names: Duwamish, The Wheedle on the Needle, Wayne Cody, Downtown Freddie Brown, etc. You can find a plethora of lost Seattle names, terms, etc. at any Lynnwood Garage Sale. Terms to avoid: Dick's, Beth's, Olympia or Rainier beer, and any espresso company. These are dead give aways that you are trying too hard. Stick with the old lumber - like Jafco, Payless, and Wigwam. Example: I moved here in 1982. I can remember seeing Wayne Cody in Payless buying adult diapers and a case of beer. Once you craft a good story you can avoid the abuse of "native" Seattlites. There's like five. Moving right along, you'll want to familiarize yourself with the Puget Sound area. Looks like it's Olympia to Everettish and Bremertonish to Redmondish. That's a big area. We don't really have the time to go town to town, but we'll hit the bigger areas. Olympia: this is a great place to stop and get breakfast on your way home from Ocean Shores or Oregon. This is the only reason to go to Olympia. Oh, and a liberal arts college. Those are the two things Olympia is good for. Oh, and being in a girl band. Apparently there's some governmental apparatus down there, but I didn't finish the brochure in the Denny's. Between Olympia and Tacoma: This is the area where there is nothing. Back in the 1800s, people built Olympia and then said "the hell with building any more liberal arts colleges" and moved North skipping most of the swamps and the bogs on the way until they got bored and built one of the biggest military bases in the country. So, you can just shut your eyes from Olympia to Tacoma. You won't miss anything. Tacoma: BUZZ WORD ALERT: Tacoma aroma. This will get you mad street cred as well. A hub of (another buzz word) PULP AND PAPER, Tacoma boasts a smell somewhere between that patch of 405 near Renton and that weird hops and coffee smell near the old Rainier building. They also have a glass museum that one guy opened....has a patch, smells like Tacoma, beats kittens....that one guy. Fife: Imagine Blade Runner with no technology - just dilapidated warehouses and smoke. Add meth users and casinos. Federal Way: Home of the Green River Killer. Federal Way boasts a mall, the ruins of Weyerhaeuser, and a ton of small lakes. BUZZ WORD: PJ Pockets: a pool hall you could really get shot in. Auburn: Auburn is Seattle's answer to Mama's Family. Let's say you love the rural south, but pine for Native American culture: look no further than Auburn. INSIDER TIP: Cheap entertainment can be had by going to the burn pit at the firework stand on the reservation. It's like a new installment of Jackass. Kent: Kent has been the whipping boy for South Seattle for many years. Sure there's more AA meetings than people and sure even the Mormons in Kent are on meth, but make no mistake...I forgot what I was going to say. BUZZWORD: Caveman BBQ. Renton: Imagine a Vape store. Now imagine people living in that Vape store. Then put a small shopping center in there and a pro sports team's training facility. Now imagine everyone is shoplifting. That's Renton. Sea Tac: The only reason to go to Sea Tac is 13 Coins. The food has gone down hill a bit, but the ambiance is still there. Oh, wait. The airport is in Sea Tac. TIP: They have rejuvenation rooms in the C terminal to get the smell of Sea Tac off of you before you leave. Also, Sea Tac boasts 20 hand job parlors for every man in Auburn. Algona: Only exists on maps. Right under the dragon and the legend. Pacific: The closest body of water to "Pacific" is the 32 ounce coke you can buy at the Arco. Sumner: My buddy's dad had a Chinese restaurant out here. That's all I know about Sumner. Des Moines: Close your eyes, hold your nose and run as fast as you can to Redondo. Covington: Once you go Covington you never go back: Covington boasts the epicenter of casual dining (Red Robin, etc.) and complications from diabetes and heart disease will leave you stationary. Maple Valley: This is a swell place to raise a family...with the other 23 million people raising families in this area. Honestly, this town would make a chicken farm blush. I had a friend who lived here and his porch was his neighbor's bedroom. Kennydale: You know that place where you can stand in four or five states at the same time? Well, you can stand in 20 tax brackets in Kennydale. Factoria: Goldberg's is good. There's a DMV. You can also see hookers in their natural environment at Nordstrom Rack. Issaquah: Issaquah is Seattle's playground. You get the same pretentiousness coupled with an REI, a trail network, a lake, and GASTROPUBS! GASTROPUBS! GASTROPUBS! TRIVIA: Ted Bundy killed a bunch of people here. Newcastle: For one reason or another I know that New Castle has the largest population of South Africans. Hey, remember that Lethal Weapon with the bad guy South Africans? Um...oh, I know! One of the best views is at Newcastle golf course. You can see all the way to Seattle. First best? Top of Issaquah Highlands. I should have mentioned that in the Issaquah part. Anyway, that was an awesome Lethal Weapon. Redmond: Home of Microsoft and three months of The Steve Miller Band playing at Marymoor. There's also a Wholefoods. Woodinville: One big D.U.I. Bellevue: There's a mall. Mercer Island: Rich people and (BUZZWORD) ROANOKE INN. I think Steve Jobs lived here. Oh, wait. No, it's Paul Allen. Or is it? Seattle: There's a space needle. Kirkland: Um... Everett: Exactly like Fife if everyone in Fife thought it was 1982 and had never left the city to find out otherwise. Bothel: also goes by the name Burien. Those are some of Puget Sound's hot spots. But how can you live in this area? First! Have money. The average studio apartment in Seattle runs one coca a month. That's the net worth of one cocaine plantation. As you move South and North the price goes down, but East and West you'll be dealing with much the same market. Bring a tent! It's no secret that you can live for free in Seattle with the use of a tent. Just pitch your tent wherever and BUILD BUILD BUILD! That's one thing Amazon and the homeless have in common! Know the language: I've supplied you with a few buzz words to get you by, but only you can sell it. I recommend watching Alice in Chains or Nirvana Unplugged and edit out the music. That nasal drip voice speaks volumes when you use it to order tea or heroin at your favorite coffee shop. The Locks. I don't remember what The Locks are, I don't know what they do, and I don't want to know. However, once you tell out of towners to visit them and hear about how boring they are, you are officially a Seattlite. The Space Needle: 20 dollars for THIS? Five Point: Trendy? Probably. Worth it? Most definitely. The Monorail: How long does it take to get from the Space Needle to WE'RE HERE Westlake on the monorail? EMP: Oompa Loompa Ooompala Dee see Paul Allen's garage for a nominal fee! The Flight Museum: This is the best museum ever. I can't tell you how amazing this...I've never been there. Eddie Vedder: Lives in West Seattle. He's out playing drums in front of Duke's on Tuesdays. Kurt Cobain: Check out his old house and exchange totally embarrassed looks with other 40 year olds that still live with their parents. Jimmy Hendrix: You have to go to Renton. See RENTON. Politics: if you can hold it in your hand it can be composted. Well, that's a rough guide for the novice. Thanks and Keep Clam! P.S. You can buy pot!
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